Karen Halloway

MY Little One

     I have a little one, her name is Sandi.  She is three now.  She’s at that age between very cute and “Why Did I have kids?”  In her cuteness,  she laughs loudly, dresses in my clothes, plays with dolls (not I-Pad apps), sings (“How Grape Thou Art”)  and makes very funny faces; crosses her eyes, furrows her brow (deep  thinking),  and shakes her head so hard, I think it’ll fall off her little body.  At times, she will stand there, shake her finger at me and chastise me when I have a brain freeze or do something knucklehead-ish. 
“Now, mom,” she will say at those times, “Really? That was soooo dumb-head.”  
  Someone once told me, “Your kids may not always listen to you.  They won’t always do what you want, and they will disobey you.  But they will also reflect you,” my little mirror.   
    Then there are the times she is in total Jake mode.  Those are the times she is very concentrated like when she is constructing with Lego blocks, and she doesn’t hear or see anything else.  She closes her eyes and her little eyebrows converge.    She’ll open her eyes and then will take apart what she has built and start all over again; truly daddy’s girl.

 There are the melt downs.  She will cry, scream and kick her little legs especially when she hasn’t had a two hour nap.  She’s just done.   Her face turns purple and her little hands become fists and she shakes them up and down like she is air drumming really fast.   Get far away from me, wild child; (Who are you and what have you done with my baby?)
    I often wonder what she will become.  What will she be like as an adult?   Will she be a stand-up comic making faces that will brings peals of laughter from large audiences?  Will she be an engineer like daddy and come up with alternate sources of energy?  Or will she be a difficult adult with anger management issues?  Who will she become?
   I asked Jake the other night as we spooned.
  “So….what do you think?  Will she be an engineer or a comedian or just needs lots of therapy?”
“I don’t know, honey,”   He said.  “She’ll be what she’ll be. “  Dumbhead.
”“But what do you think that is?”
“I don’t know, Karen.   I just think we have to love her through it all and she will be fine.  She’s only three, don’t worry so much about it.”
“I know.  I know.  You’re right.”  I move my hands over his and make him hug me tighter.
“Go to sleep….stop thinking about it.”
“K.”  I say.
But in my mind I continue to imagine and wonder and I do worry.  Because even though she is part Jake, she is mine too.  She is MY little one, and I can’t stop thinking about what she will be.


All rights belong to its author. It was published on e-Stories.org by demand of Karen Halloway.
Published on e-Stories.org on 08/08/2014.


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