Marina Mura

Untitled


If you were alive now
 
And I could have my revenge
 
Id confront you with the tatters of my soul
 
Make you answer my questions
 
Why?
 
Always Why
 

 
I would like to hurt you so much
 
But I could never hurt you
 
The way you hurt me
 
Cant now anyway because you are dead
 
And not by your own hand
 
Sadly not
 

 
Although you did try once
 
When the police came to question you
 
You went into the kitchen
 
And took out the big new carving knife
 
Rammed it into your stomach
 
They said it was a confession of guilt
 

 
You never confessed
 
But I saw the knife in the kitchen sink
 
Still sticky with your blood
 
And with one black hair
 
Saw the mop and bucket in the corner
 
Blood stains washed from the kitchen floor
 

 
All this I saw
 
When I was escorted to the house
 
The house of horrors that used to be my home
 
To pick up my stuff
 
Packing my teddy and crying all the time
 
Telling my sister that Im never coming home again
 

 
I nearly went mad with grief and pain
 
Maybe I did, maybe I am
 
Took all the white pills
 
That promised relief from pain
 
They nearly worked
 
But sadly I was doomed to live
 

 
After that the social workers in the home
 
Forced me to go to therapy
 
Thank God I have hardly any memories of that
 
Just wanting to jump out of the window
 
To escape that woman, the questions, the memories
 
Crying all the time
 

 

Im still crying now
 
20 years later
 
They call it post traumatic stress disorder
 
And youre the lucky one
 
You are dead
 
I have to carry on
 

 
You damaged me
 
Perhaps beyond repair
 
You and the father I had before you
 
What is wrong with me?
 
Do I have please use and abuse
 
Tattooed on my forehead?
 

 
If you were alive now
 
I would spit in your face
 
How do you like being soiled?
 
I would gouge out your eyes with my fingers
 
So that you could not look at me any more
 
You would not be tempted
 

 
I would chop off you fingers
 
With the carving knife of your guilt
 
So that you cant touch me
 
Cant shove them inside me any more
 
I would chop off you lips
 
So you cant force me to kiss them any more
 

 
I would rip out your tongue
 
So you cant shove it down my throat any more
 
I would rip out your tongue
 
So you cant whisper any more
 
Cant threaten me and those I love
 
Cant lick any more
 

 
I would smash you hands
 
With the hammer of my shame
 
So you cant touch me anymore
 
Cant grab me and grope me
 
Cant punch me and slap me
 
Cant hurt me any more
 

 
I would hack of your legs
 
With the axe of my rage
 
So you cant run after me any more
 
Cant chase me through the house
 
Cant kick down the door
 
Cant kick my ribs any more
 

 
 
I would hammer your back full of nails
 
With the nails of my pain
 
So I wouldnt have to massage it any more
 
So that you couldnt turn it on me
 
I would change your silhouette
 
So it doesnt fill me with fear any more
 

 
I would chop off you balls
 
Slice off your penis
 
Knife your buttocks
 
And roll in your blood
 
Spew my hate on you
 
And piss and shit on you
 

 
The way you piss and shit on me
 
On my soul
 
On my life
 
You ruined me
 
I wish I could ruin you
 
But you robbed me of that too
 

 
I hate you but once I loved you
 
Never quite trusted you
 
Turns out I was right
 
You were a man of course
 
Only a man
 
Only a monster
 

 
If you were alive now
 
I would cry terrible tears
 
Of joy
 
To have the chance
 
To have my revenge
 
To destroy you too
 

 
But you are dead
 
And I am dead
 
But I still have to carry on
 
Dont know how long
 
Dont care any more
 
I hope the next life will be better
 

 

 

All rights belong to its author. It was published on e-Stories.org by demand of Marina Mura.
Published on e-Stories.org on 12/15/2006.

 

The author

 

Comments of our readers (0)


Your opinion:

Our authors and e-Stories.org would like to hear your opinion! But you should comment the Poem/Story and not insult our authors personally!

Please choose

Previous title Next title

Does this Poem/Story violate the law or the e-Stories.org submission rules?
Please let us know!

Author: Changes could be made in our members-area!

More from category"Emotions" (Poems)

Other works from Marina Mura

Did you like it?
Please have a look at:

Big Eyes, Big Lies - Marina Mura (Sorrow)
Good bye - Jutta Knubel (Emotions)
Poppies - Inge Offermann (Thoughts)