Ingrid Armstrong-Boehk

I USED TO BE A VIRGIN

When I first saw him on the beach
He looked a trifle shy
Wrapped in a blanket neck to knee,
Dark glasses hid his eyes.
He sat alone - all by himself -
Beneath a king-size hat.
I thought Id try to chat him up,
So next to him I sat.
Hello, I said, enjoy the sun?
It sure is hot today.
Spose we have a little dip
To wash the sweat away?
He didnt make the slightest sound.
I thought the cats got his tongue.
Or maybe this weird-looking guy
Has been in the sun too long.
So on I put my sweetest smile
And asked in a sexy voice:
How would you like a nice, cool drink
At my cosy little my place?
Wondring what effect I had,
I placed my hand on his knee.
He didnt mind then said: okay,
And I said: This way please.

And as we shuffled through the sand
And walked along the road,
His one hand held his king-size hat,
The other his blanket-overcoat.
Perhaps hes Mel Gibson in disguise,
The thought filled me with ecstasy.
Can't wait to look into his eyes
And see his lust for little me.
Excited, I led him through the door
And said inside my flat:

Now you can take your sun-shades off
And remove that king-size hat.
His glasses slowly came away
And then he bared his head.
Well! One eye looked at the window,
The other stared at the bed!
Not only was he cross-eyed,
But he was bald as well!
The biggest shock was yet to come,
When his blanket fell!
Trembling, he stood in front of me,
Fat-bellied with a hollow chest,
And skinny legs, and knobby knees.
With pigeon toes he was also blessed.
To top it off, a toothless grin
Spread wide from ear to ear!
Oh, how I wished that I were dead
Or simply were not there.
Then he, sort of, looked at me
And stammered full of bliss:
C..can I have that d..drink now, please,
And then a l..little kiss?
I pushed a glass of orange juice
Into his out-stretched hand,
Then quickly grabbed my purse, my keys
And out the door I ran.
But do you know, at my return,
What dreadful fate I faced?
Youll be as shocked as I to learn
That hed moved into the place!

And then I stood to contemplate
On chances being slim
For me to meet a life-long mate
Ugly, handsome, fat or thin.
I then decided: til I die
Id stick with Dickie Hammer.
I can already cross my eyes
And speak with a s..slight sta..stammer.
Next week Ill have my teeth pulled out
So we can be as one,
Dickie and me, by the sea,
Under one hat in the sun.

I used to be a virgin,
But am no longer that.
Dickie loves my triple chin,
And all my rolls of fat.

 

All rights belong to its author. It was published on e-Stories.org by demand of Ingrid Armstrong-Boehk.
Published on e-Stories.org on 01/11/2008.

 

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